How a Pandemic feels

Stages of Grief

What we are experiencing right now is unprecedented and many of us are in mourning,mourning the loss of the life we knew. For some of us mourning is more closer to heart as a loved one has been lost while for some it’s anticipatory grief (anxiety about future loss) mostly related to jobs & livelihood. For most of us it’s an unknown or rather unacknowledged component of uncertainty that we are afraid to look at, much less accept. Few days back Harvard Business Review published an excerpt from their interview with David Kessler,world’s foremost expert on Grief regarding current pandemic situation. Kessler was of the view that what we are feeling can be termed as grief.

The stages of loss were initially given by Ross and later along with Kessler five stages of grief model was formed. It’s a widely accepted model and most of our understanding about loss & grief comes from it. The five stages are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. It’s important for us to remember there’s no fixed timeline from one stage to another and they may not be in same order for everyone but it’s an understanding and knowing that we all go through it. So some of us might be in denial( like going out without masks, or saying” You people are taking unnecessary precautions), anger over prevailing conditions and questioning God and maybe accusing God or lashing out on people. Some of us might be bargaining, trading it off with God, offering them bribes. Some have started losing hope and becoming depressed while others are coming to terms with the whole corona thing in its entirety but passively. Its quite heartening to see that quite a few of us are trying to and seeing meaning in this whole event. Our power lies in acceptance and finding meaning. ‘Finding meaning’ is the sixth stage that Kessler added to grief last year.

Up till now most of us are doing fine but for those moments when overwhelm seems to be flooding us. Acknowledge your feelings rather than trying to brush them off without naming. There are many practices for dealing with emotions but if the feeling is of overwhelm our need is to be centered first. A mindfulness practice for overcoming overwhelm is to shift one’s focus to current moment and realizing that in this moment ‘you are safe and provided for’. One can bring focus back to present moment through engaging the senses by naming 5 objects you see at that moment, 4 sounds you can hear, 3 things you can feel through your skin, 2 distinct smells and one thing to taste. Along with it also limit the amount of news intake and spend some time in activities that give joy rather than passive engagement.

Drop in your comments about which stage you think you are, how you are navigating it and what practices you are using. For those who want to read more here’s the link to the write up which inspired this post. https://hbr.org/2020/03/that-discomfort-youre-feeling-is-grief

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About Dr. Mona Choudhary

Dr Mona {Psychiatrist(M.B.B.S., MD) & Parenting Advice Expert} is a strong advocate of holistic health, meditates regularly and homeschools her 6 year old son. She uses her medical training and over a decade of experience in psychiatry to give practical advice on difficult parenting issues via individual consultation, workshops and this blog so that parents can raise their children in the best way.
View all posts by Dr. Mona Choudhary →

7 thoughts on “How a Pandemic feels

  1. The stages are all there in the list and that really helps a person if he or she puts a thought in that domain and a very focussed discussion (if by chance happens among people) leads to the fundamental question of human existence and it’s worthiness. Which can be directed to the possibility of a being that is what actually a person could be for others. In my case who I am is the possibility of peace, harmony and happiness for all and yes love too.
    With true regards

  2. The stages are all there in the list and that really helps a person if he or she puts a thought in that domain and a very focussed discussion (if by chance happens among people) leads to the fundamental question of human existence and it’s worthiness. Which can be directed to the possibility of a being that is what actually a person could be for others. In my case who I am is the possibility of peace, harmony and happiness for all and yes love too.
    With true regards

  3. well written mona. We have to accept the changes
    And behave according to taking necessary precautions than being hyper on current situation.

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